Based on the chapter in Williams & Bizup of the same name.
Part of the reason for doing this (and other topics from Williams & Bizup): the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Once you learn about something, you see it more often.
If you see it, you can correct it (or consciously decide to leave it).
A common problem with the way people construct their sentences is the choice of the main verb.
People commonly choose the verb in their sentence badly.
The verb(s) in a sentence should be the “action” of the sentence. The verb should tell the story of what's happening.
Williams & Bizup gives two Principles of Clarity
to help you do that.
An example:
Once upon a time, as a walk through the woods was taking place on the part of Little Red Riding Hood, the Wolf’s jump out from behind a tree occurred, causing her fright. Williams & Bizup, 11th ed, p. 29
Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods, when the Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and frightened her. Williams & Bizup, 11th ed, p. 29
Principle 1: Make Main Characters Subjects.
In the “bad” example, the subjects of the verbs were the actions, not the characters.
Actions (walk and jump) are subjects of the verbs here.
Once upon a time, as a walk through the woods was taking place on the part of Little Red Riding Hood, the Wolf’s jump out from behind a tree occurred, causing her fright. Williams & Bizup, 11th ed, p. 29
The actual characters (Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf) are out in the periphery.
In the better version, the characters are the subjects:
Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods, when the Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and frightened her. Williams & Bizup, 11th ed, p. 29
Principle 2: Make Important Actions Verbs.
The actual thing that's happening, the action should be the verb in the sentence.
Here, the verb is not the action.
Once upon a time, as a walk through the woods was taking place on the part of Little Red Riding Hood, the Wolf’s jump out from behind a tree occurred, causing her fright. Williams & Bizup, 11th ed, p. 29
In the better sentence, the verb is the main action.
Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods, when the Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and frightened her. Williams & Bizup, 11th ed, p. 29
The initial description of a linked list we looked at before isn't bad:
Under the simplest form, each node is composed of data and a reference… to the next node in the sequence…. This structure allows for efficient insertion or removal of elements from any position in the sequence. Wikipedia, “Linked list”
But we can streamline the sentences by moving the action into the verb:
In the simplest form, each node contains data and a reference to the next node in the sequence. With this structure we can efficiently, insert and remove elements from any position.
Another Wikipedia example:
[A]n AVL tree is a self-balancing binary search tree. It was the first such data structure to be invented. In an AVL tree, the heights of the two child subtrees of any node differ by at most one; if at any time they differ by more than one, rebalancing is done to restore this property. Wikipedia, “AVL tree”
Again, let's make all of the verb the actions:
An AVL tree is a self-balancing binary search tree. It was invented first among such structures. In an AVL tree, the heights of the two child subtrees of any node differ by at most one; if at any time they differ by more than one, the tree will rebalance to restore this property.
So… not always better. Use some judgement.
Rewrite these sentences, improving the verbs.
The committee has every expectation that it will reach a decision for the purpose of reaching a conclusion about that issue before the deadline.
It is necessary for presidential candidates to give a good performance on television. Grammatical Nominalization, K. Wheeler
There's a name for the problem we're attacking here: a nominalization is a noun derived from a verb.
The verb: I discovered X.
The nominalization: I made the discovery of X.
Using a nominalization allows you to avoid mentioning the actual actor of the sentence.
The result was failure.
We failed as a result.
Occasionally that's desirable. 😉
Start by looking at the first 7–8 words in the sentence (ignoring short introductory phrases).
In recent years, the attempts by computer scientists to prove P≠NP have been met with failure.
Did you find a nominalized verb, or not find a verb at all?
In recent years, the attempts by computer scientists to prove P≠NP have been met with failure.
Either is a bad sign.
Figure out who the characters are, and what actions they're performing.
In recent years, the attempts by computer scientists to prove P≠NP have been met with failure.
Rewrite the sentence: change nominalizations to verbs, make characters subjects,
In recent years, computer scientists have attempted to prove P≠NP and failed.
In recent years, computer scientists have failed when attempting to prove P≠NP.
Things that should make you think twice about your sentence…
A nominalization follows (or is the subject of) a verb that isn't doing much: be
, seems
, has
, etc.
The need to increase is a result of…
We have an understanding of the…
There was a memory access which caused…
Two nominalizations surround a verb that isn't doing much.
The failure of the site was the result of a change in configuration files.
The nominalizations can become verbs: to fail
, to change
.
Find the “characters”: the site
, configuration files
.
… Connect the clauses: because
, when
, if
, although
, unless
, …
The site failed because configuration files were changed.
Two or three nominalizations joined by prepositions. Cange change either the first or both to verbs.
We did an analysis of the failure of the site.
We analyzed the failure of the site.
We analyzed why the site failed.
Rewrite this sentence.
The successful implementation of a new curriculum depends on the cooperation of faculty with students in setting achievable goals within a reasonable time. Williams & Bizup, 11th ed, p. 42
A bunch of good happens when you make the actions match the verbs.
Sometimes it's nicer if the nominalization stays. Use some judgement.
e.g. the nominalization if the object of the verb.
I joined her for a walk.
She walked, and I joined her.
Nominalization can break up repetitive sentences.
We added A. Later, B was added. C was then added.
We added A. Later, B was added. Finally, an addition of C was made.