Based on the chapter in Williams & Bizup of the same name.
So far, we have been looking at what we write at the single sentence scale. Good sentences are necessary, but they don't exist in isolation.
Now will start to think more about how our sentences fit together to make something that feels nice.
The basis of our American democracy—equal opportunity for all—is being threatened by college costs that have been rising fast for the last several years. Increases in family income have been significantly outpaced by increases in tuition at our colleges and universities during that period. Williams & Bizup, 11th ed, p. 67
I get 12 words into the second sentence before finding a link to the first: tuition
.
The first sentence initially seems to be about American democracy
; the second is about family income
.
In the last several years, college costs have been rising so fast that they are now threatening the basis of our democracy—equal opportunity for all. During that period, tuition has significantly outpaced increases in family income. Williams & Bizup, 11th ed, p. 67
Second sentence starts with the same subject as the first (tuition in a particular period).
Both sentences are about college costs
/tuition
.
Our goal here: write paragraphs where the sentences fit together, both at connecting edges and throughout the passage.
Consider this sentence:
[Rails] is designed to make programming web applications easier by making assumptions about what every developer needs to get started. Getting Started with Rails
By now, we can rewrite it to make it better:
Rails assumes what every developer needs to get started, and uses that to make web programming easier.
Now we can replace that sentence in its original context:
Rails is a web application development framework written in the Ruby language. Rails assumes what every developer needs to get started, and uses that to make web programming easier. It allows you to write less code while accomplishing more than many other languages and frameworks. Getting Started with Rails + edits
Rails is a web application development framework written in the Ruby language. Rails assumes what every developer needs to get started, and uses that to make web programming easier. It allows you to write less code while accomplishing more than many other languages and frameworks. Getting Started with Rails + edits
The first sentence talks about a framework
. Second starts about developer assumptions, and ends about easy web programming. Third starts with it
—Rails? I'm not even sure what the subject is anymore.
Let's look at the original, with the second sentence “worse”:
Rails is a web application development framework written in the Ruby language. It is designed to make programming web applications easier by making assumptions about what every developer needs to get started. It allows you to write less code while accomplishing more than many other languages and frameworks. Getting Started with Rails
Rails is a web application development framework written in the Ruby language. It is designed to make programming web applications easier by making assumptions about what every developer needs to get started. It allows you to write less code while accomplishing more than many other languages and frameworks. Getting Started with Rails
The web framework is designed for easy web programming. Developers get started easily and can write less code.
The sentence-ending topics match the first words of the following sentence. The reader can quickly orient themselves.
The worse sentence is better.
We are using cohesion to refer to passages like this where the final topic/words in one sentence match with the first words in the next.
The original passage is more cohesive, even though the second sentence is a little complicated.
Begin sentences with information that's familiar.
In the good examples, that was “tuition in a certain time span”, “web programming”, “writing less code”. Each was part of the sentence(s) before.
End sentences with new/novel information.
Your sentences should be structured to lead the reader from what they are familiar with to what they aren't.
This can be hard to remember in your own writing: nothing is new to you by the time you're editing. Remember to think about what your audience is encountering for the first time.
Basically: old information before new.
We will use coherence to refer to the way the sentences of a piece of writing (paragraph or more) fit together as a whole.
We will say writing is coherent if the sentences combine in a reasonable way.
This is perfectly cohesive, but not coherent:
Sayner, Wisconsin, is the snowmobile capital of the world. The buzzing of snowmobile engines fills the air, and their tanklike tracks crisscross the snow. The snow reminds me of Mom’s mashed potatoes, covered with furrows I would draw with my fork. Her mashed potatoes usually make me sick, that’s why I play with them. I like to make a hole in the middle of the potatoes and fill it with melted butter. This behavior has been the subject of long chats between me and my analyst. Williams & Bizup, 11th ed, p. 71–72
That passage was written by having each person write one sentence, after seeing only the one previous. Problems here: Williams & Bizup, 11th ed, p. 72
We'll focus on the first point here.
As with other diagnoses, have a look at the first words in each sentence, or clause in more complicated sentences.
Identify the main topic of each sentence from those (we hope).
Example:
Boost provides free peer-reviewed portable C++ source libraries. We emphasize libraries that work well with the C++ Standard Library. Boost libraries are intended to be widely useful, and usable across a broad spectrum of applications. The Boost license encourages both commercial and non-commercial use. boost.org
Do those topics represent a small number of related ideas? Will the reader (coming to this passage for the first time) see how they are related?
While you're looking, can you find the real character there, as we tried to do before?
In the example, probably not. The topics I identified:
weprovide
Problems: we
? Applications? License?
Repair: rewrite so subjects give the topics. Make sure the topics are related.
Remember all of that stuff about characters and actions too.
The example:
Boost is a collection of free peer-reviewed portable C++ source libraries. Libraries provided as part of Boost emphasize integration with the C++ Standard Library. Boost libraries are useful for a broad spectrum of applications, and are licensed to encourage both commercial and non-commercial use.
The paragraph hangs together much better as something with a single topic.
Remember being taught that a paragraph is “one or more sentences that deals with one topic” (or something like that)?
Coherence is about that: a paragraph should have a topic. Try to form your sentences to make that clear throughout.
Rewrite this passage for both cohesion and coherence.
Flask's documentation is divided into different parts. I recommend that you get started with Installation and then head over to the Quickstart. Besides the quickstart, there is also a more detailed Tutorial that shows how to create a complete application. If you'd rather dive into the internals of Flask, check out the API documentation. Common patterns are described in the Patterns for Flask section. Welcome to Flask, edited for brevity
It would have been easy to write the previous example:
Boost is a collection of free peer-reviewed portable C++ source libraries. Boost provides libraries that emphasize integration with the C++ Standard Library. Boost libraries are useful for a broad spectrum of applications. These libraries are licensed to encourage both commercial and non-commercial use.
It meets the cohesion and coherence criteria, right?
Be a little careful to not write every sentence with the same structure.
… but less than you might think. It's easy to see monotony in your own writing that readers (seeing it for the first time) won't notice.
[Look back at the original re-writing.]